Richard Hallows

Richard Hallows has written the book he wished he had been able to read before he took on the job of full-time parenting. No statistics are available of how many fathers have become stay-at-home dads, but there are ever so many like him.

As he says, the reactions to these dads willdepend on their age and family situation. Whereas a young single man may consider it a bit of a laugh - with the mistaken idea of watching tv all day - and an older man may be flummoxed by the very idea of a dad choosing to do this - there are many men who would love to make this big life change.

The author flags plenty of warnings, and urges great thought before such changes are made. The reason for making this decision may be financial: for instance the mother may be the higher earner, and the cost of child-care focuses parents minds on the possibility of dad staying at home. Or perhaps there has been a redundancy, but the happiest reason must be when it is personal choice.

This book will give you a realistic idea of what it is like to be a dad at home day after day caring for the kids. It is written in an amusing way, but does not duck looking at the pitfalls. For example, as a result of leaving work you will almost certainly miss contacts you have made, and you will no longer have the status and any perks that go with the job. You will, in Hallows’ words, shift from being ‘John the accountant’, to ‘John the house-husband’. For goodness sake make sure you and your partner have discussed the financial side of this - money worries and arrangements can put a strain on any marriage, so make sure this is fully worked out to the satisfaction of you both.

Read this book if this is something you are contemplating. Hallows lists the highs of being with your kids and watching them grow day by day, but also urges caution if you don’t really want to do it. If you spend your time wishing you were somewhere else, that won’t help the kids, or your relationship with your partner.

Of course, some of the warnings are things that mums have known for years - such as how to avoid mental stagnation and how to keep up with friends, and the importance of building up a network for support when the rough times come along. Any parent caring for the children day in and day out knows that there are days like that!

Review published 2 October 2004 © Jill Curtis 2004