Parenting the ADD Child

Can't do? Won't do?

David Pentecost

For the parents of a child diagnosed with add (Attention Deficit Disorder) or adhd (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) part of the nightmare is how you can help. David Pentecost has ten years of experience working with the families of children with add and adhd so he knows the dilemmas they face.

He doesn’t hold his punches when he gives a list of things you need to know. The first point is that there is no cure for add - although Ritalin and related drugs can reduce some of the symptoms. Other things to notice are that no one knows for sure what causes add, and children with add need special parenting techniques than other children with far greater attention paid to consistency.

He has developed a programme he calls addapt, which stands for ‘add alternative parenting techniques’ which he claims has brought a harmony into family life that parents thought was lost forever. In this book he explains in great detail how to go about setting up this behaviour programme. The backbone of ADDapt is reward, encouragement and explanations.

His four Golden Rules are: ‘Don’t be hard on yourself.,’ ‘Be prepared for change,’ ‘Stick with it and be patient’ and ‘Be consistent.’ He also warns about starting his programme, and then giving up too easily. In fact, he specifically warns against starting the Time Out technique unless you are definitely going to see it right through to the end. His aim is to help a parent to break the vicious circle of confrontation and conflict. He maintains that praise, given clearly and often, is the secret weapon against the worst aspects of add behaviour.

He acknowledges that parents today are busier than ever but preempts questions such as ‘How can I find the time?’ and, above all, he wants parents to give their children ‘Special Time’ as well as the behaviour programme. In this busy world children need their parents’ attention, and maybe some of these children are crying out for just that. He spells out what ‘close down’ is, and how to operate this, which is a way of starving naughtiness of its attention-grabbing potential.

In this book there are good strategies for any parent in the way we speak to our children, and he emphasises how seldom we are crystal-clear about what we really want from them. He also urges every parent to spell out that there will be a comeback for bad behaviour, which you must follow through. Pentecost points out that when it is matter of bad behaviour in add children, there is a great deal that boils down to bad habits. And that they find it harder to learn the rules for getting along with people. So help your child to pick up new ways of doing things, which will mean you have to learn new ways to.

If you are a parent of an add or adhd child and you are flagging, read this book You will get a lot of of additional help from the list of resources.

My only grumble is that Pentecost is rather patronizing to the reader at times. I did not need to be congratulated for getting half way through the book ... and it was irritating to be told ‘you’re still reading’ or to give myself a pat on the back or that ‘it is excellent’ that I was still turning the pages. But, any parent dealing with the day-to-day turbulence of children such as Molly, Simon Jamie or Harry, children described by the author, deserves all the comfort and encouragement they can get.

Helpful websites are www.addapt.co.uk which is the site for this book, and www.add.org.

© Jill Curtis 2002

Jessica Kingsley Publishers    $22.95     £13.95   ISBN 1853028118

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Does Your Child Have a Hidden Disability?