Depression is a word we use quite loosely at times, for example, when we hear ourselves saying ‘Isn’t this weather depressing’, or when we feel a bit down or sad. On the other hand it is a word we often resist using to describe what we feel when we really are depressed and the world looks bleak and we can find no joy in everyday events.

Even in the twenty-first century it is more ‘acceptable’ to call this slough of depression ‘fatigue’. But poor sleep patterns, loss of appetite, comfort eating, and lack of energy and sexual desire are all signs pointing to depression. Indeed they are among the most common signals of mental pain or anguish.

Why is it that it is so hard to think, or talk, about depression? After a bereavement or a major loss of some kind some people may allow themselves to admit to feeling ‘low’ and to accept, for a while, an inability to regain that get-up-and-go feeling. All too soon they are quick to say ‘I’m fine ... okay ... coping’ and all the things we feel our loved ones and friends want to hear.

Anyone recovering from a divorce, or struggling with debt, fear of redundancy or a chronic illness soon begins to suspect that there is a limit to the amount of sympathy and support they can expect from people around them. This is one of the troubles with an ‘invisible’ problem. The kindest of friends may rally around for a time, but with little that they can see, you may find you are on the receiving end of ‘advice’ to cheer up, have a new hair style, or to ‘get out a bit more’.

What if depression has crept up like a thief in the night for no obvious reason, with the result that it seems as if life no longer holds any thrills or excitement? Comments I have heard are: ‘I suddenly found I was terrified of being on my own’ ‘Every morning when I woke I was filled with a dread of the day ahead’ ‘I discovered I could not find it in me to love my kids or husband’ ‘I was so tired, and everything I did seemed an effort and pointless’ ‘Every day I seemed to have a new ache or pain, but nothing was found to be wrong with me.’

Do any of these comments seem familiar to you? If so, you may well be ready for a helping hand. Almost all the men and women who have contacted me through this website have said they did not know what was wrong with them, and did not know which way to turn for help.

Patti told me that she spent most of the day in tears. She felt the situation was made worse by the nagging she gave herself. ‘On the surface I had everything I could possibly want, yet I felt full of despair and hopelessness. It never occurred to me that I was depressed. Why ever should I be, I thought.’

Many in Patti’s situation often focus on an external problem in an attempt to find a solution with the hope that resolution of that issue will bring about relief. We all know of people who feel that if they lose weight, or have a holiday, or find a new partner, ‘everything will be fine again’. When the magic cure doesn’t happen, the slough of despond becomes more impassable, and any sense of self-worth takes a beating.

Don’t disguise feelings of unease as ‘inertia’ or ‘of always being off colour’. Take care if you know you are eating or drinking too much, and make time to find out why you are behaving or feeling in this way. Because although today we feel that we can speak up about most things, there is still a reluctance to ask for help until depression or anxiety has truly taken a hold.

There are ways that anyone who is depressed can get assistance The first step is to acknowledge that help is needed, the second to set about finding that help. A first port of call should be your GP. Before you see him, make a list of your symptoms and the signs which are worrying you, and don’t beat about the bush. Tell him, or her, just what makes you concerned about the way you feel.

You are most likely to be offered medication. Remember that not all antidepressants suit everyone, so ask about possible side effects. Keep in mind, too, that medication takes two or three weeks to ‘kick in’. Even if you opt for medication, which may offer symptomatic relief it has been found that a combination of medication and counselling is more beneficial. Many surgeries have a counsellor attached to the practice. If yours does not, make sure you find a counsellor or therapist who has been trained by a recognised organisation.

According to the Office of National Statistics mixed anxiety and depression is experienced by 9.2 per cent of adults in Britain, so - if it is any consolation - you are not alone. Remember, the earlier that symptoms are recognised and treated the better. A last word from Patti, ‘I cannot tell you the difference that getting help made for me. Instead of seeing the world in grey I could see the colours once more. Quite simply, I have begun to live again.’

© Jill Curtis 2005