The dawn of the Millennium may have heralded a new beginning in many ways, but some families still feel restrained by old intolerance and prejudice.

For anyone not caught up in this particular aspect of family life, it may be difficult to accept how much pressure there is on some men and women who know they are gay but feel it is still unsafe or unwise to tell the world. To be a single gay person is only one scenario which men and women have to struggle with today.

One of the ugly misapprehensions in our society is to link homosexuality with the assumption of a desire to have a sexual relationship with a child. This is a distortion of the general view of homosexuality, which makes an open relationship more difficult to be relaxed about since there is a widespread belief that it is not possible to be gay and also a loving parent.

I was made aware of problems in other directions as well when I spoke with parents who had been told by one of their children that he or she is gay; I learnt of the different ways that families had dealt with this news. Also, I met with men and women who had been married, sometimes for years, and then had to face the fact that their partner was gay and could no longer continue to ‘live a lie’.

A single gay man or woman ‘coming out’ today can usually find a supportive network, and the loneliness and fear of disapproval has somewhat disappeared. Whereas if there is a child involved, couples have been shocked at the venom directed towards them still. Inevitably this leads to covering up the facts about a family relationship. It is this secrecy which can harm a child. A last word from a fifteen-year-old living with ‘two mums’: ‘I say to everyone, "What’s the big deal? We’re just a family. All people are created equal, remember?’"

I have reprinted an article I wrote called ‘Lesbian Mums’ see other articles and links by clicking to ‘Jill’s Articles’.

© Jill Curtis 2004