“If only ...”

How often have you said these words? There cannot be one of us who hasn’t wished at sometime or other that we could turn the clock back - maybe just for a few moments, or perhaps years. We would like the opportunity to make use of what we know now, to influence a decision made earlier and even to rewrite the ending of a chapter.

It may only be to wish you had put the meat in the fridge before the cat found it, or it could be a major regret at not being in a certain place at a certain time. How differently might events be if you had taken that telephone call or not written that letter......perhaps the ‘if only’ belong to words you regret saying in haste or in temper?

But if we could turn the clock back or retrace our steps for a fresh start, would we do it? There would be a price to pay. If you found yourself with a second chance, what would you change? Think carefully, because what about the experiences and knowledge we have added to our lives on the way: would they be wiped out too? ‘If only’ you had not met that man and got pregnant when you did, would mean that you wouldn’t be the mother you are today. ‘If only’ you had gone to college instead of travelling, would mean you would not be same woman you are today.

Recognizing there were times in our life which, with hindsight, we are not proud of the way we behaved - perhaps turning our backs on a friend in need - will help us not to make the same mistake again. It can make us a better and more caring friend today. Let us accept that some of the ‘if onlys...’ may be full of disappointments but also it can help us to see opportunities which are there for us now, and which should be grasped with both hands. Look at your own list of past regrets, and vow not to add any more and instead to think carefully about actions and decisions today which can have long term consequences. It is a wise person who learns from past experiences to shape life in the present.

© Jill Curtis 2001