Long-distance grandparenting

With the development of the Internet we are always being told that we are now all part of a ‘global village’, but it does not feel that way for grandparents who are separated from their grandchildren and who are miles away from their family.

This separation can come about for many different reasons. No sensitive parent holds back their child from travel or from job opportunities, but it is hard to bear when after cheerfully waving off your child for a few months to ‘see the world’ it turns into ‘many’ months, or perhaps years. Add to that scenario a marriage to someone in another part of the world, and suddenly distance becomes the great divider. The arrival of grandchildren can make this inaccessibility even more of a bitter pill to swallow.

Recently I spoke to several men and women in a retirement home and hearing from them about the effect of being so far away from loved children and grandchildren was hard. All had photos and stories to tell, and indeed many of them had travelled to far places to visit their families. But growing infirmity and old age prevented that continuing.

Long-distance grandparenting may also result from a divorce when the loved grandchildren are moved to another part of the country, or a distant part of the world, so that seeing the grandchildren becomes a logistical problem. It is especially important after the breakup of a family that the children do not lose contact with the extended family on either their mother or father’s sides. It may mean working hard to keep up the contact, especially if the rift means that the parent with full-time care of the child is not particularly willing to maintain the link.

These days communication is cheaper and easier, so that there are ways that some grandparents find to keep in touch. Children love to receive mail and the best way for grandparents to keep contact is to post cards and letters to their grandchildren. For the very young cards can still be sent, but remember to put a drawing of grandma alongside the signature, or perhaps a familiar sticker which the child can learn to recognise long before being able to read. Special telephone deals make calls to far away places more possible and frequent.

A shining example of this is on the web: www.ultimategrandparent.com shows the devotion of one grandfather in the Edwardian period who was separated from his children and grandchildren. There are 1200 items consisting of cards, drawings, and letters over many years. The site is now maintained by his great-grandchildren who show this unique record of a grandfather’s love for his grandchildren.

How fortunate we are to have the Internet at our finger tips. E-mails can fly through cyberspace, and information about your grandchildren’s hobbies can be exchanged. It is a wonderful way to keep up to date with their lives, and for them to keep in touch with you.

So whether your grandchildren are 100 or 10,000 miles away, keep the contact going. The children may live in a far off country, may even speak a different language, but you have a blood tie, so hang in there and find a way of enjoying your long-distance grandchildren.

© Jill Curtis 2001