Love and marriage might well go together like a horse and carriage in songs and in our dreams, but what happens when the road gets rough, the horse gets sick or the wheels come off?

Whether you have been through a legal or religious marriage ceremony, or whether you and your partner have made a private commitment to each other, you are a couple and to find a way to dissolve that union is a difficult and hurtful thing to do. Anyone who is in the throws of a divorce, either willingly or unwillingly, will know that it is more complicated and painful than at first it seems to be. However, there are ways to make the situation less damaging for both of you, and for any children you may have.

You may be wondering whether a divorce is the only option left for you, and at the moment you probably have more questions than answers. Maybe you are involved with someone who is already married, and wonder how the break-up of one relationship can actually take place in a way that makes the creation of a new partnership possible, not one haunted by guilt and contrition. Or you may be in shock after being told by your partner that he or she wants to leave you. How are you to deal with this and come out the other side?

Do you still hope that your marriage can be saved, and believe that a break-up is not the only road to take? Can a marriage be mended? The answer is ‘yes’ provided that both partners really are willing to take the essential steps towards each other necessary to bridge the rift that has appeared. It will almost certainly mean that you will both have to make some fundamental changes to your way of life and to your attitude towards the other. Are you prepared for this?

How do you know when it is time to call it a day and to decide enough is enough? And how do you actually leave your partner? Remember, there is no easy way to tell a partner you are leaving, so don’t pin your hopes on finding one.

So, what does a divorce entail? Anyone who has been through the breakup will tell you that it means more, much more, than obtaining a piece of paper which says your marriage is over. You do need to prepare yourself for all that is to come.

When I wrote my book Find Your Way Through Divorce I included checklists covering the signs that your relationship is in trouble, why people have affairs, compatibility, what do you think makes a happy marriage, how to leave your partner, how to help yourself, ways to help the children, the signs of being abused, how to introduce a new partner, and building the new family and many other topics.

The book is full of tips and suggestions about how to help yourself, and your family, through a divorce or break-up of a relationship. If you are embarking on this rocky path and going on your separate ways, I wish you the very best of luck.

© Jill Curtis 2004

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Find Your Way Through Divorce